ma·lef·i·cent (mə-lĕf′ĭ-sənt) adj. Harmful or malicious in intent or effect (thefreedictionary.com)
Today is CD 26. About one or two days away from AF. No wonder the monster was coming back *sigh*. For few weeks, I thought I was already fine, totally accepting the fact that a baby is gonna come into our big family (not mine obviously – sense the tone pls) in about three months. But then, on hubby’s family lunch a few days ago, all these negative, inferior feelings were actually coming back during all the baby talks. (Me was always like an open book, you can totally tell what’s going on inside my head just by looking at my face).
And I had this certain feeling (or could be caused by crazy hormones) that everybody might think that I was such a horrible person. A villain. To be honest, I felt really horrible too. No, I did not hate anyone (plus how could I even hate a baby that was not even being born yet or any baby – note: I’m crazy sometimes, but not on THAT level of craziness). Hate was too strong word to use. Instead of hate (in case anyone interested to know), I was feeling super scared. Petrified. I still am.
It is just like a tickling time-bomb.
Honestly, I do not know how to prepare myself for this. I mean I would not know how to react or response when the baby comes. Everyone would be cheering, full of glowing happiness and I would be like … I have no idea at all. I know one thing. I have to act NORMAL (even though this forced normal act is not normal at all @@). I pray hard for this, believe me. That I could genuinely feel happy for them. Because I DO want to. (Can’t believe London Euphoria pills effect just last for this long – not that I’m not being grateful).
So lately I’ve been thinking about the scene with Maleficent’s grand entrance on Aurora’s christening, when everyone’s looking at the dark evil witch coming closer to see baby Aurora. How everyone would see me that way when the day comes. Maybe. I don’t know. I hope not. Supposedly I would like just being the average visitors within the crowd.
Anyway, Easter celebration is coming. Hope everyone could enjoy their long weekend and have a good reflection. Happy Easter! xx.