The Cost of Insanity

It’s Tuesday morning at the office. CD 23. Not on TTC this month. And miraculously I feel fine 🙂 – usually during these few days before AF, my hormones (yes, I blame them!) make me go crazy. But hopefully not this month.

The reason we’re not on TTC this month (also for the next 2 months I guess) is because hubby and I are planning to go on a trip on June. We’ve been wanting to visit this country since 2 years ago. But we always cancelled for many reasons. One of them would be financial reason: as we’re on TTC, we thought it’s best to just saving money for medicine, doctors, vitamins, etc. But then I was facing this lowest point of my life when again last month I got a BFN (esp. when someone close in our family is being pregnant T_T). So when there’s this travel fair at our city, we decided to just buy the tickets!

Turns out, planning on a trip has a positive effect on my emotional being. As I focusing all my thoughts on this trip: watching recommended places to go and foods to try on Youtube, learning about the transportations, reading hotel reviews and picking up hotel to stay, making itineraries… I feel like all my negative thoughts start leaving me. I wasn’t so sure about taking this trip at the beginning, but now I was grateful that we’re making this decision. It does cost quite a lot for us, but I know it’s not only a physical trip. It’s more like a trip for soul 🙂

On my prayer last night, I was being grateful for this TTC journey that I have to go through. Maybe I was not going to learn anything if I have been given what I want easily. So far, I have learned about fear, anger, bitterness, envy. But I also learn about hope and love and faith. I don’t know what the future might bring, but I don’t wanna ‘wait’ anymore. For I believe the life I’m living on today is already the perfect version of what it should be. As I am learning God’s plan never fails.

Note: for now I only take vitamin E daily (Blackmores 250iu) and trying to add more and more healthy foods 🙂

  • CD: Cycle Day
  • TTC: Trying to Conceive
  • AF: Aunt Flow (period)
  • BFN: Big Fat Negative (Negative home pregnancy test)

 

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