Boarding Call … Just Yet (2)

We arrived at the clinic around 11pm, got my weight and blood pressure checked, then we got to meet with the doctor. The doctor was in his early fifty I guess and he was quite nice and informative. He asked us to do the vaginal sonogram, because he said at this early pregnancy it was a bit hard to check everything only by stomach sonogram. He reassured that it was safe (and would not cause miscarriage or anything – it was just a myth).

The doctor checked everything thoroughly, mentioning that at this stage of pregnancy sometimes we still could not see the implantation location yet. But he could see the pregnancy sac already. We showed him the sonogram print earlier from the hospital this morning. And he said it might not be the case as mentioned before about low implantation. He gave me Utrogestan 200mg to be taken once daily and asked us to come back on Tuesday for another sonogram. I also mentioned about the spotting and he just said it could be one of the signs during early pregnancy. Just watched if it was getting any heavier or changing in colour (red was definitely not good!). Heart was still unsettled, but it was a little relieve to know we still have reasons to be hopeful.

During that time, I decided to reduce all my activities. I took day-offs from office and just spent most of time laying down on bed or couch. I was like haunted with bad thoughts all the time and saying non-stop prayer that what happened last year would not be happening again this time. I got very paranoid (which was bad I know!) every time I need to go to the bathroom – checking if there was spotting or anything I should be worried about. It was a really, really dreadful time for me (and hubby too I guess).

And finally Tuesday appointment came! We even arrived at the clinic much earlier than the scheduled time and we waited for about an hour. Again, I was feeling very nervous (I was even throwing up a lil bit before going into the doctor’s office). We did another vaginal sonogram and thankfully this time the result was a bit clearer than before. The doctor could ensure the implantation was on right location and Beta HcG test result from yesterday was pretty high as well (it was 680, which shown I was on my 4 to 5 weeks pregnancy). I was feeling relieved finally at that moment. But still pretty much concerned about the spotting (It was very little though, sometimes only when I dab tissue and nothing on my underwear, but still…) We were supposed to come back on two weeks time for another sonogram to check if we could hear the baby’s heartbeat already *finger-crossed*

Little did we know, when I woke up on Friday morning and took a pee I started having a bleeding – I remembered it was dark red. Out of my horror state, I shouted to hubby that we need to go to hospital right away (we went to National Hospital, since the doctor we saw at the clinic had a practice there). At this moment, I could only pray that whatever happened God would give us strength to go through it all. I was very reluctant to think that I might possibly undergo another D&C procedure. We were rushing to the ER and then I got another sonogram by an ObGyn there (as assigned by our previous doctor). The bleeding was stop for a while that afternoon. But then it started to get heavier and heavier. I knew we just have to let it go. We met our doctor on that evening. He was very sympathetic and understanding through this difficult time. He even managed to tell “a lie” at first, telling us to wait and see for a week for maybe there’d be miracle.

But I would rather to strip the band-aid off faster so I would not feel more hurt. As the doctor understood that we were ready (not much choices though…) for the worst, he told us that most of the sac had actually come off. But we did not have to do curettage. He only prescribed Inflesco to be taken within 5 days. This would cause contraction to clean the womb (meaning more bleeding would happen within these few days). He offered us to do a thorough tests (hormones, DNA, etc) to find out the cause of this recurrent miscarriage.

Everything seemed to be just blurry right now. I was unsure what would be our next step. Should we carry on this journey? Was it just not meant to be? Would I get over the fear of getting pregnant? I never knew… Maybe someday.

Or maybe the storks were just got bumped into each other.

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