Lasik 2.0

[Long Story Alert. Coffee might be needed] 

About two years ago, I went to Singapore to have a pre-lasik assessment on SNEC. But since I just had a minor cornea irritation 2 months before, my pre-lasik result was not good and I was unable to do Lasik. Btw, before having this cornea injury I was a full-time contact lens user. I used to wear them for whole day since I woke up until before I went to bed (Bad habit I know!). Since then, I only wore contact lenses on weekends or if there were parties to attend (It’s hard picturing myself wearing dresses with glasses.. I always felt like Ugly Betty *sigh*)

Just before Christmas, I got to hang out with my cousin and friend. She was mentioning something about how my glasses look quite thick and asking about my eye degree (They are both -6.00 with -1.00 and -1.25 cylinder). And yes, from that I started thinking about having Lasik procedure again. I thought since now I only used glasses (most of the time), maybe my eyes had been healthier and hopefully suitable for Lasik. So, I did my homework, browsing here and there about Lasik clinics in Singapore. Then I found this article on sassymamasg.com: Top 10 Surgeons for LASIK in Singapore. I read about each and every clinic mentioned there and picked 4 that I thought most trustworthy and fit my needs.

I sent emails to those clinics, asking about basic stuffs like the Lasik procedure itself, how long should I stay at Singapore, the fees, post Lasik treatment and so on. And I found that I received the best feedback from one clinic. I made appointment for eye assessment on January 18, 2018. I arrived at Singapore in the morning, went to the hotel for checking in, had some lunch then went straight to the clinic. I went through a thorough pre-lasik assessment (a lot of machines with me being asked to focus my sight on one dot – corneal topography I guessed, sorry could not recall one by one ;p). I got my pupil being dilated too using some eyedrops. This would make your vision go blurry for few hours (TBH, not as bad as I thought it would be. I could still go walking around comfortably)

After all the assessment done (it took probably around 2 hours), I got to meet Dr L. Basically, from the test result everything looked okay (meant that I was a good candidate for Lasik). But not yay yet, because there was a big concern mentioned by doctor about my eye width being too small >< This would apparently make it harder for the suction ring (the tools that help your eye remain open during the procedure) to fit into my eye. (Still couldn’t believe it though that among 20,000 patients that this particular doctor claimed to have handled, my eyes were the smallest!!) I realised that my eyes were small (typical Asian eyes), but I did not think they were that small… *sigh*

Anyway, the said he was confident about this, that if he could not do it, no other doctor in this world could, let’s try first… and so on and so on. So yeah, I was being convinced again (half-convinced to be honest, but since I thought everything so far so good I would just go for it). I was scheduled to do the Lasik the next day. I was so nervous for the rest of the day (and also night!). I barely slept at all (I only slept for 2 hours maybe). Just so you know, in every Lasik booklet there is a Disclaimer mentioning risk of losing sight (Yes, blind). So yeah…

I arrived around 10am at the clinic. I must take some eye test again to make sure that the degree taken yesterday was correct (Since it was going to be permanent of course, not just for glasses or contact lenses). All the nurses there was very nice actually. After that I was being led to another room to put on the operation gown above my original clothes and head cap. Then the nurse started to clean and disinfect just around my eye area, put a lot of eye drops (about 12 drops for each eye) for numbing and anti-inflammation. I was so dead nervous and praying A LOT.

Finally, I went to the operation room. *Thriller sound on background* Still managed to take the Before picture with the doctor (Yup, he’s apparently so confident), before I started to lie down under the machine. Dr L said that after this he would try to put in the suction ring and then I would smell some burning when the laser started. I remember I was super nervous that my whole body started to trembling (The room itself was very cold, but the nurse had given thick blanket plus I also wore socks). Then here goes… Dr L started with my right eye. He asked me to open my eye as wide as I could and tried to push the suction ring into my eye. Pushing, pushing, pushing, rolling my eye down, rolling my eye up, then more pushing, pushing, pushing… Then I gave up. Because it started to get painful (even though I had been given the numbing drops, but it still hurt). I asked doctor to stop. He still wanted to try with my left eye though *deep sigh*. I saw no point of doing this though, so I said no.

I got up and went to Dr L office. He said sorry that he could not perform the Lasik. He was offering us with other method called LASEK, which could be performed right away. (You can read about the difference between LASEK vs LASIK at allaboutvision.com) Basically with Lasek, the healing process was a bit longer than Lasik. Patient needed to use temporary contact lens for about 5 days until the cornea healed completely. And also there was a risk of scarring. We were given 5 minutes to make decision. And I did not think that I could make proper decision within that very short period with one eye feeling hurt. We decided not to do the LASEK for that day (or ever). I was given anti-inflammation eye drop for my right eye (there was like bright red circle around the white part of my eye – just outside the cornea thankfully, due to the suction ring trial before).

Supposedly I should feel devastated, but I just felt very grateful instead. I was actually very scared that something worse was going to happen. But now at least my eyes are OK, even though I need to go back to glasses and contact lenses. Plus, on the brighter side, my both eye power decreased by -.50. I am quite happy about this (also it means a little less thick glasses). Please gather as much information as possible if you are thinking about having Lasik surgery. Good luck! 

Note: Pre-lasik assessment fee is around SGD 200. Lasik procedure + all medication is around SGD 5,000

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This was how my right eye looked after about 3 days post-Lasik attempt. A little bit of redness on top and below area, but not as severe as the first day. The redness had gone completely now. Thank God. 
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Normal.

Have you ever tried to come to a fertility clinic? Some of you on TTC like me might have.

Last December 2017, I managed to come and book appointment with a noted fertility specialist in my town. There were some other doctors as well, but he came every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday only. I needed to come early to get Q number first (around 3-4pm, the clinic started at 5pm). If you were first timer, then the nurse would take a picture of you and hubby and recorded all your basic information (you had to bring ID card). I came around 3.30pm and already got Q #24, quite a full house. So I went home and came back later with mr. hubby.

The place itself was very nice. (I thought it’s a 3-story building) There were a lot of ‘interesting’ paintings (some of them were painted by the doctor himself) with fertility theme. One of them was like an F1 racings painting, but the cars were actually sperms (get it? weird? haha). The waiting room was super convenient, with all big glasses windows, comfortable sofas, and koi pond outside the window. The best thing about waiting at fertility clinic? NO pregnant woman! ha. LOL. So unlike waiting at Obgyn looking at all those bumps, this place was bump-free ;p I actually felt NORMAL there. (So if you are currently in somewhat frustrated-state on TTC journey, please come. And guarantee you’ll feel OKAY instantly)

We got our body weight and blood pressure checked (all normal, mine was always a bit low). Also got interviewed on my pregnancy history, how long we had been married (which I thought was an irrelevant questions – better one would be how long had you been on TTC, don’t you think?) Then we got to see the doctor, had an ultrasound, asked to come back on next cycle day 3 (that time I was on CD 13). We weren’t given much prescription, just some OTC vitamin. We did come back on the next CD 3 for another ultrasound. The result showed that there was still matured egg left (which supposedly should be released during previous ovulation. This might indicate oestrogen imbalance. I was advised to take vitamin E and came on (again) next CD 3, which actually this January, but I passed (due to another Lasik assessment I took, yeah I had not yet given up Lasik haha – details would be posted next time)

I keep taking my 250mg vitamin E (mine by Blackmores) daily now. I plan to have ultrasound later on. Hopefully this time the result would be better 🙂

Have a blessed week!

(You can email me, if you need another details about the fertility clinic that I visited)

First 2018 Scribble

#happynewyear

What did you do last holiday? Here the things we did:

  • Lots of brunch and dinner with our family (mostly with in laws, hub’s aunts and uncles, cousins, and also his sister, bro in law and their baby – he’s around 5 months old now)
  • Exchanging gift tradition under the tree was apparently still on going (did this on Christmas Eve at hub’s cousin home)
  • Three days trip to Bali. Yay! Stayed at Rimba hotel (very recommended! If you like you can spend your whole trip within the hotel area: they have 19 restaurants, 19 pools, a private beach… Not too shabby ;p )
  • NYE dinner with hub’s and my family at a vintage place called De Soematra (very instragammable lol)

The downside was my house assistant was taking 2 weeks off as well. So yes, I did quite many house chores: waking up at 7am every day to take my dog Mocha out, preparing her meal, putting dirty clothes inside washing machine, hanging them to dry, washing dishes… to name a few *sweat*. Luckily she had coming back from holiday now! (What I prayed every night for haha)

Before holiday, I made a visit to a fertility specialist too. The clinic was at Jalan Irian Barat. The doctor was quite famous apparently. Planning to write more about this on the next post…

New year resolution? One thing only. I would like to learn to take my time – just being ‘at the moment’. Enjoying every minute of things that I am doing – to feel, to experience it more… 🙂 How about you?

#cheers

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Kubu Beach. 29 December 2017. 10.05am

 

Life is No Joke.

Finally I’m back after 4 months.

Quick update:

  • I’m still not pregnant (since it is purposely served as TTC blog, I need to mention this first)
  • I’m taking sewing class now (In case I’ll becoming old lady with no kids, at least I have something to do… just in case)

OK. On TTC, these past few months I had been taking some herbal Chinese medicine (apparently this ‘potion’ is quite famous). 3 glasses each day for hubby and me for 3 days.  They smelled and tasted like heaven (Note: if heaven smells and tastes like herbal Chinese medicine). It was the dose for one cycle. And yep, we decided to stop because they’re violating our tastebuds. It would not be fair for them. So, next.

I was also taking Fertilitea (yes, cheesy name), an herbal (this time Western) tea for 2 cycles. It claimed to contain Vitex herb, which was good for regulating cycle and balancing hormones. It tasted pretty normal (like peppermint tea I guess), so I was not complaining at all. Um, only one thing, still not pregnant.

But much bigger thing happened. A dad from my very close cousins (Note: my uncle) just passed away around one and a half month ago due to liver cancer. He was diagnosed about 2 months before and received intensive care at hospital most of the time. All of this just got me thinking about how my TTC issues actually meant nothing at all. Witnessing how the family was struggling in so much pain of losing someone they loved so much, making my own pain seemed so small.

It got me thinking of life fundamentals, which was just impossible to be explained well enough here. Basically, I did not think having a baby should be a life goal anymore. There were much more bigger and greater things in life that we should accomplish.

So yeah, I’m back writing this blog as one of the things I would like to accomplish in my life. Honestly, I stopped writing because I felt like it was making me feel more obsessed with this whole TTC thingy. But then again, I would like to be that Relatable Someone to anyone who is in the same journey as mine. Even if there is only one person reading this post, I would be glad if she could feel like there’s someone out there who understands how difficult this journey is 🙂

I’ll write again once anything worth writing comes up!

Goodnight 🙃

PS: Coffee makes you crazy.

The One After London

Okay, so I watch too much Friends.

To sum up: London was pretty great and I got another BFN.

Now, a bit elaboration 🙂

As mentioned earlier before, we were planning to go to London on this June. Just the two of us (hubby and me). I was always nervous every time we were about to go somewhere quite far by ourself, especially it was our first time going to London. To add the tension, hubby got food poisoned  and needed to be hospitalised just few days before we were leaving (it was Friday the 2nd and departure date was on next Thursday the 8th). Thank God, he could go home on Sunday. Another set back was the terrorist attack news around the London Bridge area. At this point, we were really not sure if we would still go to London. But anyway, against all that we made it to London! Yay.

It was actually a good decision not to TTC before going to London. Cramped up for 14 hours on window seat (yes, economy class) was certainly not made for early expectant mother (sorry I acted so confidently that I might have gotten pregnant if I were on TTC haha..) But London weather were so perfect for all of the 7 days we were there. A bit drizzly sometimes, but never heavy rain. It was always around 20 degree in the afternoon and maybe around 15 degree at night. The hotels we picked were kinda perfect too. First, we were staying at Hoxton, which was very close to Holborn Underground (less than 5 mins walk). We could also walk to Covent Garden (yes, Shake Shack!). The second hotel was Portobello House on Notting Hill area. It was like a small hotel with 12 rooms only. But the interior was looking very vintage and lovely. It was a walking distance to Portobello Market too.

Hop On Hop Off bus was also a good decision for London first timer. We picked HOHO bus by Original Tour and took the 2 days package (including Thames River cruise, Kensington Palace and Tower of London tickets). We managed to take day trip to Edinburgh as well. It took 4 hours trip by train from King Cross Station (yes, the station where Harry would take train to Hogwarts from Platform 9 3/4). The highlight of Edinburgh was the Castle, Whisky Tour and also Oink (they had the best pulled pork and crispy pork skin!).

Now, about the BFN. We were currently thinking about doing insemination procedure. Still browsing (and again thinking thoroughly) about it though. The most important thing for us would be to make sure it would be aligned with our belief. I will not going to discuss it further here, because I am worried others would think I am being judgmental. I am not and I will never be. Anyone is free to make decision based on their beliefs and whatever they feel the best for them. I would share more about the procedure here once I have made consultation with the doctor.

So that would be all for now! Have a blessed day, x.

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Rehearsal for Queen’s birthday at Buckingham
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Had brunch accompanied by these guys :p (still at Buckingham)

Maleficent

ma·lef·i·cent (mə-lĕf′ĭ-sənt) adj. Harmful or malicious in intent or effect (thefreedictionary.com) 

Today is CD 26. About one or two days away from AF. No wonder the monster was coming back *sigh*. For few weeks, I thought I was already fine, totally accepting the fact that a baby is gonna come into our big family (not mine obviously – sense the tone pls) in about three months. But then, on hubby’s family lunch a few days ago, all these negative, inferior feelings were actually coming back during all the baby talks. (Me was always like an open book, you can totally tell what’s going on inside my head just by looking at my face).

And I had this certain feeling (or could be caused by crazy hormones) that everybody might think that I was such a horrible person. A villain. To be honest, I felt really horrible too. No, I did not hate anyone (plus how could I even hate a baby that was not even being born yet or any baby – note: I’m crazy sometimes, but not on THAT level of craziness). Hate was too strong word to use. Instead of hate (in case anyone interested to know), I was feeling super scared. Petrified. I still am.

It is just like a tickling time-bomb.

Honestly, I do not know how to prepare myself for this. I mean I would not know how to react or response when the baby comes. Everyone would be cheering, full of glowing happiness and I would be like … I have no idea at all. I know one thing. I have to act NORMAL (even though this forced normal act is not normal at all @@). I pray hard for this, believe me. That I could genuinely feel happy for them. Because I DO want to. (Can’t believe London Euphoria pills effect just last for this long – not that I’m not being grateful).

So lately I’ve been thinking about the scene with Maleficent’s grand entrance on Aurora’s christening, when everyone’s looking at the dark evil witch coming closer to see baby Aurora. How everyone would see me that way when the day comes. Maybe. I don’t know. I hope not. Supposedly I would like just being the average visitors within the crowd.

Anyway, Easter celebration is coming. Hope everyone could enjoy their long weekend and have a good reflection. Happy Easter! xx.

Fall into (Right?) Place

So as mentioned last time, hubby and I are planning to go on a trip next June 🙂 I’ve never applied an online visa by myself before (usually through travel agent), so this time it was kind of nerve-wrecking (note: you can follow this link for UK visa application https://www.gov.uk/apply-uk-visa). After taking biometric data (In Indonesia they have 3 offices at Jakarta, Bali and Surabaya), if our visas were to be approved we would have received them within 3 weeks. But then last Saturday (9 days after data submission), I received this package at home. (Quite nervous opening the envelope – almost as distressing as waiting for a HPT result LOL). And yay, we are going to London! ❤

Maybe it’ll sound silly, but receiving these visas is kinda making me feel that things will finally fall into place 🙂 (Thank you visa-approval-decider-people (?) :p )

There is another thing I would like to share. As I have been consuming vitamin E lately (mine is Blackmores), I did some browsing about the pros and cons of vit E and its effect on fertility. And I found this interesting (yet very important!) fact: there are two types of vit E; d-alpha tocopherol and dl-alpha tocopherol. The first one is the natural form, while second one is synthetic. Being curious, I check both Elevit and Blackmores. To my surprise, vit E in Elevit is dl-alpha tocopherol and Blackmores’ is d-alpha tocopherol. You can check them by yourself. I haven’t read more about the side effect of taking synthetic vit E, but I am always being more comfortable consuming whichever claimed to be natural of course.

Anyway, I just can’t wait for June to come! :p Hope everyone also have something to look forward to excitedly… xx

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We got our visa already!:)